Good Relationships Lead to True Happiness
Step 2: Cultivating Belonging
Hello friends from long ago! It might be odd that I’m reaching out randomly but I genuinely want to reconnect and see how you’re doing!
As an introvert (one that expends energy in social situations), it takes a lot of energy management to stay connected with people. I used to think the path to happiness involved limiting contact with others. Although I still need my alone time, enough research highlights the importance of community and having a sense of belonging for me to ignore this need.
“The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.”
- Robert Waldinger, director of Harvard Study of Adult Development, psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital, and professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School
My family relationships do keep me happier. There is no greater sense of peace, comfort, and happiness I experience than when I’m with my mom, even when we’re not doing anything. My children’s joy fills my heart, especially when I see them l caring for each other. At the same time, I struggle with balancing attention between my three kids and wish I were closer to the family I grew up with.
Friendships are equally meaningful but harder to maintain, especially with young children demanding time and energy. Sharing more openly with close friends has been a mental health lifeline, but I often wonder how to cultivate deeper connections with them and with others.
Building Bonds Across Different Groups
To strengthen relationships, I’ve been considering how to nurture bonds in the different spheres of my life:
Personal Relationships (Family + Friends I already see regularly)
Professional Networks (Close coworkers + Colleagues I could develop friendships with)
Acquaintances and Weak Ties (People in shared communities ie. parents of classmates, hobby groups, church small groups, or old friends + Strangers I meet in work or learning spaces)
I’m not always great at keeping in touch or initiating connections, but I’m often curious about what others are up to and what they’re like. Recently, I’ve realized that I should act on that curiosity rather than hold back, especially since people often tell me to push past my fear of what others might think. As Wayne Gretzky put it, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” I’ve come to see that making connections, no matter how small, can improve my happiness and well-being, so why not give it a shot?
Taking Steps to Deepen Connections
In addition to reaching out, I’ve been learning how to communicate more effectively. This involves:
Becoming a more dynamic speaker for work and personal interactions.
Practicing active listening.
Improving storytelling to share more of myself and connect on a deeper level.
I’m also revisiting timeless advice from Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People, which emphasizes empathy, genuine appreciation, and effective communication. I’m beginning to see the power of these principles in action.
A New Mindset on “Productivity”
Recently, I told a friend:
“What did I do today? I did nothing. Just spoke with my best buddies from Insider and Teachstone. …That’s not nothing though. That’s what I’m supposed to do more of in life if I want to be happy in life. So today seemed unproductive but it’s actually more productive than I usually am.”
This realization marks a turning point. Time spent building relationships isn’t unproductive; it’s an investment in happiness and well-being.
